Phoebe Running on Friends episode.

Have you ever noticed how runners on the Olympics and in track meets look so lean and in-sync? The arms and legs pumping rhythmically, torsos slightly bent, nostrils flaring as they breathe in and their mouths slightly parted on the exhale? Look more closely and you can see their abs expand as they breathe in and out. It’s amazing.

Recently, I joined the local Crossfit training program. I’ve been to boot camp and the gym and those just were not working for me. Crossfit seemed a bit different so I decided to give it a try. I’ve discovered that I’m both stronger and weaker than I thought I was. I can do things called back squats, clean and jerks, push press and other exercises using heavy weights—at least heavy for me. Today the local group workout of the day was to meet at the track and run 5k. Did you know 5k is the same as 12 laps around the football track and around 3 miles?

Normally I try to sleep in on Saturday mornings; however, this morning I had my alarm set so I could go to the track. I was all enthused. Oh wait, that wasn’t me that was the instructor. He was a regular Pollyanna. I stretched, yawned, jumped around and tried to wake up, messed with my phone (since it has music now), found the stop watch thing so I could time myself and off I went. I picked the smallest circle to run in as it looked shorter. I’m jogging along, some 4 beat country music in my ear, yawning and just trying to keep my feet moving. I have to get 12 of these circles knocked out. Circle 1 and 2 took a little over 8 minutes. I didn’t think that was so bad.

By the third time around I had figured out how to time an individual lap on my phone. Third and fourth laps were around 4 minutes each; again I thought I was doing great. Fifth round I ran the two long sides of the circle and walked the short sides. Sixth round I only managed to run one short side but still completed in 4 minutes or so. By now, my shins are dying. I was seriously considering stopping but thought that I wanted to complete. Seventh round—no running more like walk and upright crawl. I had to call it quits. Twenty-eight minutes of my morning gone by in a blur of black circles.

I am not a runner. I don’t enjoy running and enjoy it less after today. My legs may pump along like the Olympic runners, but there’s not any grace, leanness or in-sync motion in any of my movements. Feet pumping, mouth wide open with loud heaving gasps of air, torso bent forward in the hopes that I will reach my goal sooner rather than later and arms flailing wildly like a windmill. My spouse says I look like Phoebe in a Friends episode. Trust me, that is not a compliment.

Needless to say, I have not developed an affinity for running but I have to keep on trying to turn back time.